Rebecca Duvall

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satisfied-in-Him4-300x300Have you ever had one of those moments when you felt like you’ve been hit upside the head with a brick? I’m not talking about a light bulb moment, I mean a moment when you realize the stupidity in our actions and the deep desire that comes over you to fall down on your face and cry out to God “forgive me Lord!”

Well, I had that moment while at church. The scripture for the day was Luke 6:17-26. We’ve been going through the book of Luke and I’m enjoying the different parables. Today was about those who will be blessed and those who will not. I thought it was simply a reminder to always help the less fortunate. Wow, was I wrong!

He went down with them and stood on a level place. A large crowd of his disciples was there and a great number of people from all over Judea, from Jerusalem, and from the coastal region around Tyre and Sidon, who had come to hear him and to be healed of their diseases. Those troubled by impure spirits were cured, and the people all tried to touch him, because power was coming from him and healing them all.

Looking at his disciples, he said: “Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh. Blessed are you when people hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man. 

“Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their ancestors treated the prophets.

“But woe to you who are rich, for you have already received your comfort. Woe to you who are well fed now, for you will go hungry. Woe to you who laugh now, for you will mourn and weep. Woe to you when everyone speaks well of you, for that is how their ancestors treated the false prophets. Luke 6:17-26

When the Pastor said “being blessed is when you are satisfied doing what God calls you to do” is when I felt the brick hit me upside the head. I had to face the fact that I was not satisfied with what God had called me to. I wanted more!

Months ago, God pointed me in the direction of becoming a Chaplain and revealed a plan to do so. I was so excited to see what doors God would open for me as I entered this new season of my life. I was so excited, that I became annoyed when it didn’t happen in my timing. My plan was to take the necessary course and become a Chaplain before the end of summer. Summer was now more than half over and I had not started the course. I started wondering if maybe God gave me the wrong direction.

Through the statement made by the Pastor, I realized I had not been acting like a person who had been blessed by God. I was not trusting in God’s timing or in His plan. I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it NOW. I was not taking into consideration the fact that I was knee deep in work at the church or that I has already committed to helping a dear friend edit her book. I also was not factoring in that it was summer, which was time for family fun, not extra work.

Thankfully, God was aware of every detail and had it all perfectly planned. Things are now calm and steady at church, my friend is able to work on her book with her own computer and plans have been made with the family that will take us through the summer.

As my schedule lightened, I was officially approved for the Chaplaincy course and ready to start. I’m embarrassed and frustrated with myself for my poor behavior. I can’t believe that I once again had a three-year-old tantrum when God didn’t give me what I wanted when I felt I needed it. I hope and pray that next time, when faced with waiting upon God, I will do better and not freak out when things don’t go as I expect them to.

Jesus took the sins of the world, our sins, upon Himself on the cross, so when I realized the error of my ways, I was able to seek forgiveness and be forgiven. Is there something you would like God’s forgiveness for?

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

My prayer for us today ~ Father God, thank you for the patience you have with us. Lord, I pray you would open our eyes to see our stubbornness and give us the strength, courage and wisdom to seek your forgiveness. May we always be satisfied doing what you call us to do, Amen.

Disappointed To Blessed

Snoopy writingOver a year ago I began the journey of writing a book.  A book about my life & marriage before and after having a relationship with God.  I found a Ghost Writer to help get my words and feelings down in a way that flowed.  As I have stated before, I do not, and probably never will, consider myself to be a writer.  The beginning of the journey was difficult but exciting.  I spent hours at the computer typing away.  I couldn’t get my fingers to move as fast as my brain was going.  Sometimes I had to stop because I couldn’t see past the tears running down my face.  Many sections were very emotional for me to relive.

Several months past and I finally had my story written.  What it now needed was the touch of someone who could fix all of my grammatical errors and help me emphasize the different feelings I was experiencing throughout the story.  The Ghost Writer and I went back and forth.  He would ask for more details and I would tell him as much as I could remember.  The first few months of this process seemed fine.  We talked about the layout of the book and where to begin and end each chapter.

It was early summer and the day finally came!  He had all he needed, a few weeks, maybe a month and it would be done!  I was sitting on the edge of my seat waiting with anticipation!  I couldn’t wait to see my story ready for print.  I began to imagine what it would be like as an author with a book on the shelves in stores.  It made me feel apprehensive.  What if the readers didn’t like my story or thought it was dumb?  That’s how this blog came about.  I’m facing my fears and relying completely on God’s guidance.

Summer comes and goes, and still no book.  There were natural disasters, deaths and so on and so on.  He always had an excuse and a promise to when it would be done.  I think I’m a pretty patient person.  I can tolerate a lot and usually believe what people tell me unless they give me obvious reason not to.  I become discouraged and start to wonder if maybe I misunderstood what God wanted me to do.  Maybe I was to write the book for myself and no one else.  Then I realized, I hadn’t been praying about the book.  Once I finished my part I stopped praying and kinda left it in God’s hands.  Just Pray

I began praying for the creation of my book every day, asking Him to be over all the details. I prayed about my fears & wishes regarding putting my story out for all to read.  I also lifted up the Ghost Writer assigned to my book.  I prayed for God to guide him giving him the time and words to complete my book in a way that was pleasing to Him.

Months go by and my prayers are finally answered, but not in the way I was hoping.  I received an email explaining I would be assigned a new Ghost Writer because the one currently assigned to my book was no longer with the company.  Say what?!?!?!  I felt disappointed and furious.  I was ready to give up.  Why in the world would God put me through such craziness?  I was flustered and had no idea what to do except give up completely.

God recently spoke to me through a friend and my oldest daughter.  Both reminded me how annoyed and disappointed I was time and time again with the original Ghost Writer.  This was a blessing.  I had asked God to be over all the details and He was.  He made the change I desperately wanted but was afraid to ask for.  I’m thankful God knows our inner most thoughts and the Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf.

….. the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.  And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. ~ Romans 8:26-27

I’m happy to say I’m, again, excited and looking forward to what God is doing and will continue to do with the creating of my book.  I gave this to God a while back, trusting He would guide me through the entire process.  The only reason I’m doing this is because I believe it’s His will.  So I will persevere and trust that His timing and plan is far better than mine.

My prayer for us today ~ Father God, Thank you for the Holy Spirit which brings our inner most desires and fears to you when we cannot. I pray we look to You in the midst of our disappointments knowing You will never disappoint, Amen.

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