Over a year ago I began the journey of writing a book. A book about my life & marriage before and after having a relationship with God. I found a Ghost Writer to help get my words and feelings down in a way that flowed. As I have stated before, I do not, and probably never will, consider myself to be a writer. The beginning of the journey was difficult but exciting. I spent hours at the computer typing away. I couldn’t get my fingers to move as fast as my brain was going. Sometimes I had to stop because I couldn’t see past the tears running down my face. Many sections were very emotional for me to relive.
Several months past and I finally had my story written. What it now needed was the touch of someone who could fix all of my grammatical errors and help me emphasize the different feelings I was experiencing throughout the story. The Ghost Writer and I went back and forth. He would ask for more details and I would tell him as much as I could remember. The first few months of this process seemed fine. We talked about the layout of the book and where to begin and end each chapter.
It was early summer and the day finally came! He had all he needed, a few weeks, maybe a month and it would be done! I was sitting on the edge of my seat waiting with anticipation! I couldn’t wait to see my story ready for print. I began to imagine what it would be like as an author with a book on the shelves in stores. It made me feel apprehensive. What if the readers didn’t like my story or thought it was dumb? That’s how this blog came about. I’m facing my fears and relying completely on God’s guidance.
Summer comes and goes, and still no book. There were natural disasters, deaths and so on and so on. He always had an excuse and a promise to when it would be done. I think I’m a pretty patient person. I can tolerate a lot and usually believe what people tell me unless they give me obvious reason not to. I become discouraged and start to wonder if maybe I misunderstood what God wanted me to do. Maybe I was to write the book for myself and no one else. Then I realized, I hadn’t been praying about the book. Once I finished my part I stopped praying and kinda left it in God’s hands.
I began praying for the creation of my book every day, asking Him to be over all the details. I prayed about my fears & wishes regarding putting my story out for all to read. I also lifted up the Ghost Writer assigned to my book. I prayed for God to guide him giving him the time and words to complete my book in a way that was pleasing to Him.
Months go by and my prayers are finally answered, but not in the way I was hoping. I received an email explaining I would be assigned a new Ghost Writer because the one currently assigned to my book was no longer with the company. Say what?!?!?! I felt disappointed and furious. I was ready to give up. Why in the world would God put me through such craziness? I was flustered and had no idea what to do except give up completely.
God recently spoke to me through a friend and my oldest daughter. Both reminded me how annoyed and disappointed I was time and time again with the original Ghost Writer. This was a blessing. I had asked God to be over all the details and He was. He made the change I desperately wanted but was afraid to ask for. I’m thankful God knows our inner most thoughts and the Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf.
….. the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. ~ Romans 8:26-27
I’m happy to say I’m, again, excited and looking forward to what God is doing and will continue to do with the creating of my book. I gave this to God a while back, trusting He would guide me through the entire process. The only reason I’m doing this is because I believe it’s His will. So I will persevere and trust that His timing and plan is far better than mine.
My prayer for us today ~ Father God, Thank you for the Holy Spirit which brings our inner most desires and fears to you when we cannot. I pray we look to You in the midst of our disappointments knowing You will never disappoint, Amen.