If someone had described to me what my future would have been like 5 years ago, I would have thought they belonged in a padded room hugging themselves for a long long time. God has done so much for me, with me and through me over the past 5 years. I am brought to tears each and every time I think about where I was 5 years ago and how I got to where I am now.
Five years ago my marriage was headed down the path to divorce. The really sad part was neither of us knew it. I thought nothing was wrong with me, but everything was wrong with my husband. I saw myself as a good person, mom and wife. I knew I wasn’t great at any of those things, but thought it was better than how my husband was. I saw my husband as selfish and inconsiderate when it came to the family.
I was always comparing myself to my husband. I didn’t think I had to give my best to the family or marriage because, in my eyes, my husband wasn’t. I thought it was up to me to let him know where he fell short and how he could do better.
Then during a counseling session with Robert we were read Luke 6:41-42:
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
This verse hit me like a ton a bricks! I felt God was calling me out. He was telling me to stop concerning myself with all the mistakes my husband was making and work on how I could do better. I needed to take a long hard look at myself in the mirror instead of shoving it in my husband’s face all the time.
I had no idea how to change or where to start, so I went to God in prayer. I didn’t know what to ask for. I realized I was a total and complete mess. After hearing the song ‘Open the Eyes of my Heart’, it became my prayer. I told God I wanted to see Him in all His glory and asked Him to open my eyes so I could. This song was played at my Baptism in June 2009. It’s one of my all time favorite songs along with ‘Friend of God’. Those songs truly fill me with great joy, the kind that only comes from God.
Five years ago I was continually irritated with my husband. Today, I see my husband as a gift from God. I am blessed and thankful for the life God has given us together. Last week Robert graduated from the Law Enforcement Chaplaincy in Sacramento as a Law Enforcement Chaplain. Robert is now doing things in God’s way and I am proud to say he is the spiritual leader in our home.
My prayer for us today ~ Lord, I thank you for being our creator, provider and friend. I pray you continue to open the eyes of our hearts so we may see and experience You and all Your glory, Amen.