Sometimes I wish I was younger, like my early 20’s. Not because I wish to look younger, but to have that ‘I can do anything’ attitude. When I was younger I would get an idea and run with it. Even when everyone said I was crazy for doing it, which was usually the case. I wouldn’t let their negativity get me down. I didn’t worry about how I would accomplish the task at hand or even what others thought about it. I would simply take one step at a time and figure it out as I went along.
I use to hear a commercial about being a surrogate while driving to work. I was in my early 20’s at the time. I usually heard it a few times a week. I remember thinking how devastating it would be to want kids and not be able to. I thought how wonderful it was there was a way to help these couples. I thought, to bad I can’t help because the commercial said, you must have had at least one full term pregnancy with no complications in order to be considered as a surrogate. I didn’t have kids or a husband yet.
Not long after having my second daughter, I started hearing, or noticing, the surrogate commercial again. This time I was the perfect candidate. I had not one, but two normal pregnancies with no complications and I was still in the age range they desired. I suddenly felt the desire to help. When I told my mom about it she said it was an insane idea. Most people I spoke with about it said it was a crazy thing to do. They didn’t understand why I would want to put myself through another pregnancy. Regardless of what everyone said, I still looked into it and within a year I was pregnant with another couples baby. I told my girls I was the couples baking oven. When the baby was done growing I would give the baby to them.
I look back now and believe God gave me the desire to become a surrogate. I acted on this desire because I wasn’t afraid of what everyone thought. I wasn’t worried about all the details. I am now a part of an amazing couple and their family. I became part of their story. A story written by God.
I sometimes struggle with my desires now. I feel the desire God is planting in my heart, but I hesitate and feel anxious at times. Not because I’m not certain of what God is calling me to do, but because I can’t stop worrying about what others will think of me or what I am doing.
A dear friend recently reminded me, we are to simply do what God is calling us to do and let God deal with the rest. I’m so blessed to have so many amazing people in my life to keep me from completely freaking out at times.
We recently sang this song at church, ‘I have decided to follow Jesus’. The line “keep the world behind me and the cross in front of me” reminded me, I want all I do to be pleasing to God, not the world, so there is no need to worry about what the world thinks. I know with all my heart, God will equip me and you as well, for all He calls us to do. What is God calling you to do and how will you answer His call?
My prayer for us today ~ Lord, I pray you fill our heart with the desire to do your will and that you equip us to fulfill this desire, Amen